Seasonal Depression in the Spring

Usagi showing the emotion I've been sporting for a couple weeks now

It may sound odd to some, but I seem to get seasonal depression in the spring. I even had to google it to make sure I wasn't crazy. A majority of people get seasonal depression in the winter time. It's cold, it's gloomy, you can't really do much outside without fear of getting hypothermia. The big thing about spring is the warmer weather, the blooming plants, and the certainty that summer is right around the corner. But to me, I just can't see past the negative. Any negative there is, I see it.

It comes out of nowhere too. You can be living your day to day life, doing your daily tasks, and it'll hit you like a ton of bricks. All those really harmful thoughts bombard your brain. For me, I feel useless. Powerless and like I have nothing to contribute. It's odd because spring is supposed to signify new beginnings, since things are literally growing and life is starting anew. But it feels like the opposite.

I feel like everything is falling apart. Like everything I do is for nothing. All my efforts don't mean anything. And I only feel this way in the springtime. There's very little I can do to reverse these feelings too. I can try my very best to distract myself or do any of the things I usually enjoy because then I just feel as if I'm not doing enough. It's a constant battle in my head that occurs more this time of year more than any other. Sometimes, I bawl my eyes out at the slightest thing or at something that's been plaguing my mind for a couple days. Other days I am numb. Unfeeling and uninterested in anything or anyone. That goes for their feelings too.

And the thing is, I have no idea what the hell triggers it. It could be some kind of trauma response. My brain reacting to some crazy or unfortunate things that have happened in years past that make me feel this way. Maybe thats how it is for everyone. Maybe everyone has a season where all they feel is doom and gloom, no matter what. Wether in a winter wonderland or the summer sun. I just happen to hate everything while most are gearing up for picnics and afternoon strolls.

I just wanted to put this out there in case anyone else felt crazy for feeling depressed during this bright and pretty time of year. You're not alone. I feel like shit when the flowers are in bloom.