The Fight Between Partners and Family

It's... an unfair battle.

My brain while I listened to everyone's bitterness

Am I exaggerating or is it exhausting to have to play the referee between the people you love? At first, everything's fun and games. Your family's happy that you're finally seeing someone, that you're happy. They rejoice and start to brag about it to everyone they know. And if your mom is anything like mine, they say "finally".

Of course you and your partner as ecstatic. You're totally ready to tell everyone, to show everyone that you are totally in love. That you were made for one another. You guys are glued at the hip! All is well and dandy in your world. Until the honeymoon phase is over, and reality starts to settle in.

For some families, I feel it's the inability to let go. Their child doesn't know how to navigate their way through life, let alone a relationship. At least that's what they think. There's no way their child is capable of handling a serious relationship. There's no way this relationship is serious!

On top their denial, comes along the judgement. They begin to question every decision you and/or your partner make. Your parents may even begin to question your partners integrity, and ability to care for you, in an attempt to belittle them. Change the way you view them. Manipulation at it's finest. Then they start the guilting and the nitpicking.

Anything deemed less than desirable about your partner is a turn off. It's the little things. "I don't like the way he said this, that face he made was weird". Or the judgement of your poor partners character. Every little thing becomes shady or malicious. You start to argue over this and it becomes a "them or us" situation. An unfun scenario. Imagine that times two.

Then your partner starts to do it. They start to list all the wrongs your family's done to you. How they mistreat you, and then their undesirable personalities. They essentially try to convince you that they're the good guy, and your family's the bad guys.

Now you're being pulled in two different directions. Both of them trying to convince you that the other is the problem. Manipulate their way into keeping you in their corner. It gets dizzying. It makes you more than upset. Constantly trying to calm the nerves of people you love becomes a hassle. It becomes an unpaid job. It takes a toll on your mind and emotions. All you want is for everyone to get along, and like each other.

So what's the solution? Honestly... just honesty. Lots and lots of talking. Depending on the type of family and partner you have, you may shed a ton of tears. I know I did. I did a whole lot of yelling too, but that's beside the point. Things will only get better, and the road to healthier relationships, starts with a cool head and a conversations. Maybe several conversations. If someone's being stubborn or push comes to shove, you'll know that you tried to patch things. Tried to get everyone on the same page.

If all else fails, stay uninvolved in anyone's drama. Let them huff or complain. Prioritize your happiness over anyone else's. You deserve it.